Tips for Dating a Female BJJ Practitioner
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is addictive, and it's still ridiculously hard to explain to people who don't train. More women are on the BJJ mats now than ever — and sometimes their non-training partners…
With Sally Arsenault
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is addictive, and it's still ridiculously hard to explain to people who don't train. More women are on the BJJ mats now than ever — and sometimes their non-training partners still don't quite know what to make of it. So I've put together a little guide to help them navigate this new territory, set their minds at ease, and create harmony for all.
1. BJJ does not have an extra J.
2. You may get accusatory glances from strangers when she wears clothing that reveals her bruises.
3. You probably won't understand her training gear. The patches, the wild rashguards, the gi she's weirdly emotional about. Google "Meerkatsu" and just nod along.
4. She can probably submit you, so don't bother with the play wrestling. You're only hurting yourself.
5. Don't go to bed angry. You don't want to risk a sleep choke.
6. Ahem. She needs to sleep already.
7. She has to train regularly to stay sharp. If she misses a stretch of classes, it gets hard to keep up with her teammates when she's rolling.
8. She has to train regularly so she doesn't choke people out in everyday life — including you, when you've left the toilet seat the way you've left it again.
9. She would love to lift or run with you on her off days. What a great way to spend quality time together!
10. She rolls with sweaty guys in great shape and, yes, she's seen most of them in their underwear at some point. No, it's not sexual, and no, she's not secretly fantasising about her training partners. She chose you for a reason.
11. Her male teammates are not groping, ogling, or hitting on her. She learned how to spot and avoid those guys long ago, and the ones who try it don't last long at a good BJJ club.
12. You'd probably really like her teammates. They're some of the best people she knows. Why not get to know them when you get the chance?
13. If she's talking about jiu jitsu nonstop, it's okay to gently steer toward something you'll both enjoy. (Good luck. She'll be back to talking about her new guard pass within the hour.)
14. Jiu Jitsu is part of her lifestyle now. Part of the reason she's so awesome is that the mats have made her stronger and more confident. They've also gotten her into great shape — or at least better shape than before she started. Embrace her BJJ.
15. Why not try Jiu Jitsu yourself?
See you on the mats — and bring your partner along if they're brave enough.
Originally published in Jiu Jitsu Style by Sally Arsenault. Refreshed for 2026.