Things You May Not Know About Your BJJ Instructor

About the author: Sam Joseph is a second-degree black belt, head instructor and gym owner.

The relationship between a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioner and their coach is one with a lot of layers. BJJ coaches are friends, mentors and sparring partners. They also unilaterally decide when you're ready to be promoted through the belt ranks. Given the many roles a coach fills, your relationship with them has a real impact on the journey. With that in mind, here are some things most coaches have in common that might surprise you. I'm certainly not trying to speak for ALL BJJ coaches, but almost three decades of training, competing and teaching make me very comfortable sharing what I believe to be some pretty typical views in the coaching community. The goal is simple: help you understand your instructor's perspective so you can get more out of your relationship with them, more out of your academy, and more out of BJJ.

Your BJJ coach wants to promote you!

As a student, it can be easy to feel like your coach is "holding you back" from a belt you have already earned. You focus on the tournaments you've won, the training partners at your rank (and higher) that you dominate, or the time you've spent without being promoted, and that can make it feel like something you have earned is being withheld.

Your coach, while considering all of that, has the benefit of a few different perspectives. Their view is usually much wider than yours simply because they've been exposed to far more BJJ. You've seen the people you've competed against and the partners in your gym; their "BJJ world view" includes that AND their own years of training and teaching. So what they think a white, blue, purple, brown or black belt is may be different to what you think it is. In plain terms — they have seen more BJJ. That gap in frames of reference often causes a "disconnect" in expectations, and it's one of the reasons I recommend my students compete as often as they're comfortable, and train when they travel. Those experiences expand your own frame of reference, and very often that's where real growth happens.

Another point that gets lost when talking about promotions is that your coach isn't only comparing you to other people — they're comparing you to yourself. A lot of the time you're being evaluated against your own potential, not by "who you can tap" or "which tournament you can win." Alliance black belt Derek Kaivani likes to say, "You take a steak off the grill when it is ready, not when the piece of meat on someone else's grill is ready." The point is to focus on your own improvement rather than imperfect comparisons that can do more harm than good. Coaches weigh both of those — comparison and your individual journey — every time they award a belt.

That process takes real time and energy, and the result is that coaches are emotionally invested in student promotions. Some of the most enjoyable conversations I have with other BJJ coaches are about upcoming belt promotions. Whatever their personality or coaching style, when coaches talk about how a student's improvement is about to be rewarded, they light up with pride and joy. In short — your coach WANTS to promote you.

Your coach pushes you because they believe in you!

I spent most of my formative BJJ years at the Yamasaki Academy under Fernando and Mario Yamasaki and Francisco Neto. The training was rigorous and they actively encouraged me to compete. Sometimes their prodding was welcome because it lined up with goals I already had. Other times I just wanted to train.

A tournament in Boston during my second year as a blue belt changed how I viewed their encouragement. In the semi-final of my division I beat a tough Brazilian opponent, but I pulled my groin in the process. I was limping badly and I didn't think I could contest the final. When I told Neto I would forfeit, he looked me in the eye and, without hesitation, said, "Take the pain." I walked away, got on the mat, won fairly convincingly, and to this day that tournament is one of my fondest BJJ memories. I was incredibly grateful to Neto for "forcing" me to go out there, because left to my own devices I almost certainly would have sat out.

It wasn't until later that I understood the main reason WHY Neto had no issue sending me back on the mat when, at the time, I thought I had no shot of success. Neto simply believed in me, and in my jiu jitsu, more than I did at that moment. My coach pushed me because where I saw potential failure, he saw the opportunity for success and confidence that would spark continued development in my game.

You see the same thing among the very best in the world. When Marcus "Buchecha" Almeida talks about his first black belt absolute world title in 2012 — the famous final against Leo Nogueira — he often points to a single moment. He was losing and feeling discouraged until he looked to his corner and read the belief in his coach Cavaca's eyes. Buchecha took it from there and secured the first of his many Mundial absolute golds. You hear modern stars say the same kind of thing — Gordon Ryan talks about John Danaher's belief, Mikey Musumeci about his family corner. Be open to the idea that your coach is pushing you toward the success they can already see for you, and watch how much you benefit from that point of view.

Your coach wants you to make Jiu Jitsu memories!

I started my BJJ journey in 1998 in Atlanta under the legendary coach and co-founder of the world champion Alliance team, Jacare Cavalcanti. Before relocating for work and transferring to the Yamasaki Academy, I had the pleasure of training under Jacare for two years. There were a lot of things he was great at, but looking back, what stands out the most was his ability to tell stories. I can remember sitting around for hours, captivated, as he shared stories about his experiences with the Gracie family, the BJJ lifestyle, the early days of vale tudo, and on and on. What made him so captivating was his natural enthusiasm and his earnest desire to inspire us to stay the course and create stories of our own. It was as if his stories were seeds he hoped to see grow into the fruit of experiences his students would have, and one day share themselves.

As a coach now, one of the great joys I have is watching my students do things I know they'll cherish in the future — that first competition, that first stripe, that trip to train at a gym in another country, the friends they make at an open mat across town. To that end, I often nudge students to push themselves and try things that will broaden their BJJ experience. Coaches want you to have a vibrant, rich BJJ life worth remembering and recounting. Remember that the next time your coach pushes you in a new direction.

Your coach wants you to have fun!

Along the same lines — your coach wants you to have fun. Not everyone who steps on the mat wants to be a world champion, and a black belt isn't even the goal for many people. What every practitioner has in common is that having fun makes training easier and gives you the longevity to keep doing it. As gruelling as BJJ can be, fun is what keeps you coming back. And as your coach knows, showing up is the single biggest ingredient in the success recipe of your BJJ adventure.

Conclusion

Realising how much your coaches are on your side can have a huge impact on your BJJ journey. That understanding empowers you to navigate the inevitable bumps as part of a team moving toward your goals, rather than trying to find your way alone. And the steady improvement that tends to come from accepting your coach's support feeds directly into your happiness with the sport and the wider BJJ lifestyle. See you on the mat!

Originally published in Jiu Jitsu Style by Sam Joseph. Refreshed for 2026.