With Emilia Tuukkanen
1. People saying “Oh I better not mess with you then” when they hear what you do. So if I was just a normal girl you would be punching me now or what?
2. Hair. Everywhere. No matter how tight your braid is before going to the mat, it’s going to get loose and then there is hair in your sparring partners mouth, nose, eyes… basicly everywhere. And, sometimes you get stuck in bad positions because your hair is under your back or shoulder and you can’t move. At all.
3. Never being able to have beautiful nails. You see those beautiful nail art pages on instagram and make the mistake of getting yours done perfectly. Then you go to train and everything is ruined, and you literally would want to cry for your nails. Spider guard should be re-named ‘nail-killer’ guard.
4. Guys sparring with you like you’re made of glass.
5. Guys sparring with you with the ‘can’t lose to a girl!’ attitude and really crushing you with all the power they have. These are usually big white belts who have trained less than six months, and have some backround either from different martial arts or bodybuilding/weight-lifting.
6. Always having to explain bruises around your body. Extra bad when they are on your neck and face. You don’t even look forward to summer, because you will look like a dalmatian in your mini shorts and cute top.
7. The soul-crushing pain of putting makeup on your face after sparring, when your skin has been exfoliated by the mat. Exfoliated meaning the first two layers of skin have been totally burned off, and you look like Samantha in Sex and the City after her chemical peeling went wrong, so you really have to put the makeup on. Or that huge funeral-style hat.
8. Never having enough time between sparring rounds to properly put your hair back together, and ending up apologizing to your new opponent for taking the first 30 seconds of next round to sort out your hair.
9. Not being taken as seriously by sponsors or really anybody other than your male BJJ practitioners, even if you have accomplished a lot. Okay, this goes for almost any sport.
10. The struggle of having to keep your legs shaven all year.
11. Going through 10 bottles of body lotions a month because you have to moisturise your skin after every class, otherwise it feels like it’s going to fall off.
12. Having your period while on diet. There’s two reasons why this is so horrible: 1. You gain weight from fluids. 2. You can’t eat chocolate! You just have to suffer while eating a stupid carrot and pretending that you are happy about it. Seriously, not getting chocolate while on period is something you don’t wish for even your worst enemy.
13. Having your period at all really and trying to train normally. You get so emotional that you just want to cry when some asshole passes your guard and oh dear lord if someone accidentally kicks you or hits you with an elbow… That’s reason for murder right there. And also, it’s soooo uncomfortable.
14. Some immature creep (they never practice BJJ themselves) asking if you train BJ. Thanks, but i think I just vomited in my mouth. Idiot.
15. The gi making you look unbelievably fat. How does Kyra Gracie look so amazing in all those pictures??