Words: Emilia Tuukkanen @emiliatuukkanen
1. Going through all that trouble of braiding your hair beautifully and super tight – I’m talking about proper Lagertha style – using a whole bottle of hairspray, arms getting tired from the braiding, being sweaty just from getting your hair up, and then having it all come undone after first round. Fuck it, messy bun it is.
2. Finding those Perfect Gi Pants that are not too low-cut but also dont come all the way under your boobs, that have room for your hips and butt but won’t add 10kg to each butt cheek, that are not capri-styled but also dont look like a kid found their parents pants, that passes gi check but are not so tight that you cant move your legs nor too loose so your legs are just one big strong grip for your opponent.
3. Finding that Perfect Gi Jacket that has room for boobs but not so much that the extra fabric just gathers awkwardly in your armpits, sleeves are long enough to not look like you tried to put on a kids gi but not so long that the moment your opponent even thinks about spider guard your fingers are disappeared forever. Not too long that it covers your butt (because it looks great now that you found those Perfect Pants) but not too short that you feel like a belly dancer in a pyjama. Jacket that actually has room for bicep muscles but still tight enough to not look like you are trying to learn how to fly.
4. Rolling with guys who see you as their chance to beat a higher belt so they are going FULL HULK SMASHHHHH on you and you just wait in a super tight turtle for the round to end thinking about the burrito you’re going to reward yourself with afterwards for this bullshit.
5. Cutting weight. It is so different for females and NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! You never know what your body will decide, it might go just: SURPRISEE it is period time, here is 2kg extra water weight for you a day before competition! Anything else? Maybe mood swings, no sleep, horrible cramps and endless appetite? Here you go. Have fun making weight sucker. Or it might lose all the weight super easily and make you think the next time will be a walk in the park as well.
6. All the injuries and bruises you have to explain to your non-bjj friends, and then downplaying them so their reaction wouldn’t always be to take you to the nearest hospital NOW. Jiujitsu people’s understanding of what requires a hospital visit and what not is veeeery different to normal people. Especially girls. “Oh yeah my arm is hanging by just the skin and yes sure that’s the bone showing but nah this happens to everyone, no worries, I gotta go now so I make it to open mat in time”
7. Rolling with just a sports bra under your gi and having your training partners foot/hand accidentally pull it down. Or even worse, go IN the bra. Still not sure for who that is more awkward.
8. Having your FB message requests and Instagram DM’s absolutely FULL of weird foot pic inquiries and other sleazy messages from guys. Some are even brave enough to comment publicly. Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever got a positive reaction from a girl to those? Kinda like cat calling, I have never in my life heard of any woman ever liking it. Take the hint. Dont be gross.